IDOLS- Honey from Carcass

IDOLS
Episode Five: Honey from Carcass
…Today, Yesterday feels really close…
…Today, the East seems to be just a stone throw away from the West…

Abigail lulled back in the cab front seat, she hissed as the driver pushed the gear against her lap for the umpteenth time. Why do two people have to share the front seat for God’s sake? She looked through the window past the young man with sharp features beside her. On the left the driver was grinding the gear against her lap on the right this man was prodding her with his jutting hip bone. In her heart, Demetrius silent treatment was the goad.
The driver turned the car so quickly Abigail fell against the man beside her.
“Ahn ahn, driver e de rora (Driver take it easy now)” Abigail groaned. All her years in Lagos had gifted her the chance to easily pass for Yoruba lady before anyone.
“Na woman go teach me how to drif, ab’eri nkan ni? (just imagine)” The driver rasped, releasing his breath of cheap liquor.
“If woman fit pay you to drive her and you sef go collect the money, I no see why she no fit teach you how to drive if you no dey drive well” The skeletal man beside Abigail fired back, much to Abigail’s surprise.
The driver glowered at the man and spat a curse in Yoruba, a verbal brawl followed, one Abigail was removed from. As she watched Chicken republic, a pharmacy, boutiques, business duplexes and bill boards careen by, she kept wondering for how long Demetrius would stay in denial and continue acting like her past didn’t matter when they both knew it was a third person between them. Every time she broached the topic he was always quick to dismiss it. Now she knew it was no longer a matter of internalizing the fact, he had a whole month to do that. He was only avoiding and wishing it away. What he didn’t know he was doing was that he was putting miles between them with his ever growing silence, he was killing her inside with his silence that screamed its accusation. He probably knew he was doing that, he was probably doing it deliberately. She sighed.
She was returning from her office which was somewhere around Toll Gate and now the cab she was in was towing Ring Road. She saw the vibrant lights of the clubs that lined the road and something in her flapped its wings, asking to fly. In a matter of seconds, all the memories she had in the clubs in Lagos, the nights she left school to ‘escape’ came back in a rush of nostalgia and raw longing. She just wanted to be back in one of those rooms, to be roughly jostled and manhandled by frenetic men who always found a way to dance behind her, to get hurried pummels in the rest room or better yet, a one night stand in a hotel room. The clamouring of her flesh joined with the force of memory was so intense she could hardly breathe, all she wanted to do was ask the driver to pull by the curb and let her alight. She knew it would take her less than ten minutes to cross lines she left behind years back and worse yet this time, there might be no turning back.
That’s where you belong. None of the guys you met there ever made you feel like Demetrius is making you feel, they never cared if you were a virgin or not, because you belong there. You don’t belong with Demetrius.
“Once a bitch, always a bitch” Irene’s words came back. Irene was her friend when she was still in the world and when she had gone to tell her she had received a new life and would have to discontinue her association with her old ways and friends, Irene and Gbemi had laughed. They had tried severally to change their ways and they had reached a point of resignation because they had realized that a leopard’s spots would never wash off. They didn’t just choose being whores, the path chose them. She could try if she wanted but they were certain she’d be back sooner or later.
Their words had greatly troubled Abigail then, she shared with Peju who was doing her house job in Lagos at that time. Peju was there to remind her of God’s word and reassure her. But now, there was no Peju, there was no scripture in her mind, only words that pushed her down a field of quagmire.
“…sooner or later”
It didn’t matter that she had not gone back all these years, the path chose her and she had no choice.
Overwhelmed, Abigail could afford nothing more than a simple prayer. Lord, help me. Uphold me with your right hand of victory.
She leaned back again and her breath slowed, cold sweat broke out from her skin. That was a fierce temptation. She felt drained, but she was also grateful to God for coming through for her and strengthening her enough to stay in the cab.
When she entered the house, she was surprised to meet a quiet living room with the lights turned off. The kitchen was empty too. She checked her time it was just 9pm, the family never retired so early. Could this have been because of an argument between David and Peju? The other day she overheard them argue from the hallway when she returned from work. She quickly entered her room, paying heed only to what was her business but not before she caught a snippet of the altercation. She had heard David say something along the line of Peju being a controller and that she was playing the lord over the destiny of the children. Is Peju really a controller? Has she ever tried controlling me? No… I don’t know… wo, whatever jare.
She plunked down on the bed and immediately tugged off her stilettos with one hand and with the other she took off her earrings and the rubber band that her hair was pulled back into. She picked her shoes with two fingers and dropped them carefully on the shoe rack, yawning.
She still had a hard time believing what almost happened in the cab. It seemed so farfetched yet so close it unnerved her. If she had walked into any of those clubs, she would walk out a broken lady. Would she ever pardon herself enough to receive God’s forgiveness? Would she ever be the same? How would she even deal with the guilt?
She sighed. Thank you Jesus for saving me. She was reminded yet again that all her six years of remaining on the path of righteousness was not by her doing or strength, she had been kept by the power of God, and it had all been the grace of God. The sustaining grace that taught her to deny ungodliness and worldly lust and taught her to live soberly and righteously in this present world, the grace she did nothing to deserve, the grace that has appeared freely to all. It was God’s grace that kept her that night, like several other nights and days from falling. And she knew for certain that if she would stay yielded to his Spirit at work in her, his grace was more than sufficient to uphold her till the end and present her blameless before the Father.
“Thank you Jesus for your divine power that has given me all that pertains to life and godliness. Thank you for your work in me that gives me the desire and the power to do what pleases you, help me to always walk in cooperation with your Spirit within me, to always work out my salvation with fear and trembling, trusting your grace all the way. God, your son is frustrating me. His silence, the attitude he puts up these days, his subtle way of ignoring not just my past but me, is driving me crazy. God, if you have accepted me, why is Deme treating me like this? Like Rebecca said, if all is well, why am I like this? If my past is truly swallowed in the sea of forgetfulness and cast as far as the east is from the west, why is all of Deme’s actions and inaction bringing it to my face? Lord, right now, it’s hard for me to see me through your eyes, sometimes I think I know what you think of me and then I look into Deme’s eyes and I’m confused”
She sat on her bed waiting for the Lord to respond to the outpouring of her heart. Nothing came and this unsettled her. Won’t God say anything? Is he just going to leave me on read?
I will never leave you nor forsake you
Abigail chuckled. But you’re leaving me on read.
Go to your old diary.
Abigail sat on the floor, flipping pages of her diary. As she read, she remembered every detail and relived every moment: the funny, poignant and ridiculous. Why did she write as if she was chatting on 2go? For God’s sake, Abby you were 21! What the heck!
June 14, 2012
Its bin 4eva since I wrote in this buk. Im sad abt dat, but am also apy. 2day I finished my bilivas class and I got baptized! Yayyy! Aunti Peju told me it’s a significant symbol of wat happens at conversion.
I was afraid when the priest held me in the water. Jesus! It was a deep riva o. the water was reaching my waist. I tot the riva will carry me and the priest away. Hehehe.
She laughed. She remembered how the priest had held her and gently lowered her into the water till the waters ran over her head. She had squeezed her eyes shut and in that moment had received a revealed insight of what happened at the cross. As she was being lowered into the water, she saw herself in her mind’s eye, being earthed in a coffin. Her body was rotten, crawling with worms, all that was left of her face was a sinister viscerocranium trickling with glinting blood, and her body was clad in filthy rags. There was a total black out. The memory of the vivid picture of the wretch she was, was so disgusting she retched. She remembered the rasp of the priest. “Buried with Christ,”
And then as he lifted her up, the lid of the coffin popped open, giving way for a fervently bright light to nearly blind her. She saw herself rise from the coffin, an entirely new person, new skin, new flesh, new brilliant white robe, a brand new smile and gusto.
“And raised to newness of life” The priest boomed as he lifted her out of the water. She was by now dripping with more than water, she was dripping with life, and a surreal excitement.
God!!!! Jesus is so ril to me ryt now. Im crying. Ah, the Abigail I was is dead. She was useless, she was sinful, she was dead in sin, she was rotten. But ive bin raised to newness of life. Ive been raised with Christ! I want to shooouuuttt! Ive been given a new life, I didn’t even have to pay all I had to do was receive this life by faith… Jesus!!! You have saved me. You have raised me. You have shown me mercy. Thank you! help me to never go back to that state I was in. help me to never go back to my vomit. I want to live all my life devoted to you, you have shown me such a great love. Oh God. I don’t have the words. I don’t.
Abigail fingered the swollen circles of dried tears on the old brown page. She could still remember the day she wrote those words like it was just yesterday she was sitting in the corner of the room she shared with seven other people in Moremi hall.
She picked her phone and plugged up to Outburst music group’s song, New Creation. She cranked up the volume of her phone till the song filled her head and she was in a performance of the song, under bright lime lights before a mammoth crowd. With her eyes closed, tears pouring and mouth singing, she was in cloud nine.
I am a new man in Christ Jesus
I am a new man this I know
I have his Spirit living within me
And the life I live is not my own.
I’m a new creation,
I’m a brand new man
Old things have passed away
I’m born again
More than a conqueror
That’s who I am
I’m a new creation
I’m a brand new man
Abigail was rudely dropped from cloud nine when Peju snatched her fake apple ear phones out of her ear lobes and scowled at her.
“Do you think you stay in this house alone?”
“Was I shouting?” Abigail asked covering her face
“No o, you were whispering ni.”
“I’m so sorry” Abigail apologized.
****
Demetrius hurried down hallways of terrazzo to the lab, he was late. His phone started ringing, it was his Mum calling. He swiped to the green after a brief hesitation.
“Ekaro ma(Good morning ma)”
“Nle o, oko mi (Well done, my dear)” She enthused over the phone.
“Hope you’re doing well this morning?”
“Ehn now, how are you o jare. Oga fun e o, a ti e gburo e, so da be? (We’ve not been hearing from you, is it fair?)”
“Mummy, ema binu jare (don’t be angry) it’s work and stuff”
“Or’enu e bi Vwork yan stuff (See his mouth like work and stuff)” She made a nasal parody of his statement. Demetrius laughed. “When are you coming home?”
“Soon, ma”
“Oti e wa ti di Jesu bayi, ojojumo I’m coming soon. Lati last year lo tin ba soon e yi bo o (you’ve now become Jesus, always saying I’m coming soon. You’ve been saying this since last year)”
Demetrius laughed as he reached the locker room. “But Jesus is really coming soon Mummy, are you ready for his coming?”
“Shut my friend. Who’s laughing with you”
He sniggered. “Mummy can we talk later? I’m at work now and if I don’t get off this call now, I stand the chance to be queried”
His mum snorted. “Eebo po (You speak too much grammar) tell them to come and query me. Before you chase me away like you are fond of doing, let me say what I called you to say”
“Haba mummy that’s unfair”
“The other day, you told me you had someone. When are we meeting our daughter?”
Why did his smile disappear? Why did his heart start a rapid beat?
“Some day soon”
“Soon yi sha ni nkan (there we go again) what’s her name sef?”
“Abigail”
“Such a pleasant name”
“Trust me she’s more pleasant than the name” Did he mean that or did he just say it cos it was the kind of thing an ideal boyfriend would say?
“I see oh.”
“So I can go now?”
“One last question. Omo ibo ni? (where is she from?)”
A second passed. “Er… Borno, we will talk better later”
“If you cut the call! Bor ki lo pe? (what did you just say?)”
Demetrius rubbed her forehead. “Borno”
“Ko lo sun e de be? (what pushed you there?)”
“She’s lived all her life in Lagos”
“I don’t care where she’s lived her life my friend!”
Demetrius became angry. “Mum, we will talk later!”
“Don’t you dare try to blow me off. Iran Boko Haram lo fe fe. Ko ni shele! (you want to marry Boko Haram people. It won’t happen!)”
“I will marry whoever I choose. Bye!” Demetrius ended the call and regretted it as soon as he did. Why was he so vehement? Was it really cos he loved Abigail? He wasn’t so convinced. These days he didn’t even know what to say he was in with Abigail sincerely. A situationship? Maybe he was just sick and tired of his mum trying to run his life. Or he just used her as an outlet for his pent up frustration. Yeah, that was it. These days, Demetrius found that he was unusually inflammable and touchy. Just the other day his colleague asked if he was on his period.
He dropped his phone in his bag, zipped it up and shoved his bag into the metal cubicle. He locked it up and secured the key in his pocket. In his scrubs and sneakers, he entered the lab, ready for the day’s work.
At break time, he met 15 missed calls on his phone. 8 from his Mum, 3 from his Dad and 4 from his Aunt. He had a headache immediately. He saw a text notification from his Dad.
-What has come over you? Just who do you think you are? What did you say to your Mum to get her this worked up? What is this I’m hearing about a strange girl? Don’t call me, don’t reply me. You have a week to meet me in Osogbo.-
Demetrius phone slipped out of his grip.