He pulled the knocker and let it clang against the door three times, then he stepped back and waited. Sade opened the door and ushered him in saying, Aww you came. As soon as he stepped in, she threw her arms around him and he was sure she was pushing herself against intentionally. Matthias’ heart pounded. The skin on his right shoulder warmed as she pressed her lips against it, the heat followed the line she drew with her moving lips up to the curve of his neck. Liquid fire coursed in his blood vessels; engorging parts, filling his head. He gulped down spittle like a first-timer would do vinegar. She pulled out of the hug languorously and looked into his hungry eyes with her leery ones. He knew she reveled in the passion she had stirred in him by the fleeting lopsided grin that claimed her lips.
His eyes flicked down her body. She was wearing a skimpy wafer-thin chiffon gown and nothing else. The fire fueled with a violent crackle.
“This is the little place I’m managing.” She said, her eyes not leaving his.
“Oh,” He had not noticed anything but her since he came in. “It’s nice.”
She chuckled. “Let me show you around.” She said taking in the corner of her lower lip, passing a message that wasn’t so cryptic. She grabbed his hand and pulled him along towards the hallway.
Everything was happening at a dangerous speed and at the same time seemed to be happening in slow motion. In that moment, his body clamored fiercely, his knuckles were literally brushing the satisfaction to his hunger and even the meal was beckoning. He didn’t have to reach to get the satisfaction, all he had to do was yield. The fire he felt consumed every rationale in him, but it didn’t reach the whisper in his heart, the voice that told him not to walk towards darkness –the darkened hallway. The voice that showed him the slice of light that came in through the door that was left ajar. The voice that said it all in one word -Run!
The voice he was going to obey.
****
“He pulled his hand out of my grip and ran away like a coward.”
“It’s a lie!” Peju exclaimed in bewilderment as she inched forward in her seat.
Daniella gaped. “Nawa oh.”
This gossips can use a little discretion. He thought as his insides churned in discomfort hearing the trio talk about him in such a condescending manner. What if someone else was listening? Didn’t they realize he was just by the corner a few pews away? He shot the group a stealthy, fulminating glare.
The least they could do was wait for him to turn his back before they dug their poisoned teeth into it. Who backbites in front of the victim?
“It’s a shame that some guys carry the heart of a baby in a body that exudes virility.” Daniella said twisting her mouth, an overt show of disgust.
“As in ehh,” Sade scrunched up her nose “I even felt the shame. I say guys, you needed to have seen him running. Trust me it was a sight.”
Peju laughed. “I’m sure he’s in one corner of the world right now, feeling like da holy and righteous Joseph.” Each of her words gave of rivulets of sarcasm.
Heat rose into his face. He kept looking at them, willing one of them to see him and feel ashamed. One of them did, it was Sade and she didn’t seem shocked talk more of shamed. They knew he was within earshot and everything they said, they did with the intent of him hearing, this realization made fierce anger roil in him.
“He’s probably dead down there.” Sade spat coldly, holding Matthias’ gaze in daring impertinence.
The affront made Matthias hackles rise and the shame that washed over him as her friends turned to him made his eyes skitter away. Wasn’t he the one who was supposed to be putting on airs about his noble retreat from sin? Wasn’t Sade the one who was supposed to be ashamed of almost being a stumbling block in a fellow brother’s path?
“He definitely is.” Peju sneered.
“It’s either that or he’s a fag! You guys seem to be forgetting that possibility.” Daniella opined rolling malicious eyes at Matthias.
Matthias head shot up immediately, his skin crawled with goosebumps. He had never felt more insulted all his life.
The service was over and he’d have been on his way home if Nathan, the lanky decorating department leader and his next door neighbor hadn’t asked him to chill for him for a few minutes while he saw off Enobong, his fiance. It had been fifteen minutes tops and Nathan hadn’t returned. Perhaps love makes time whoosh by, only that the rankling words of Sade and friends made each second Matthias spent in the church feel thrice longer. He decided he could wait no longer and sit through the ugly talk ensuing between the three friends. He picked his leather pouch and turned his heels to the door.
For some seconds silence only interrupted by the gentle taps of his suede shoes on the terrazzo ground, filled his ears until it was brusquely cut by the peal of scornful laughter Peju, Daniella and Sade broke into. He gritted his teeth and hastened his pace.
I’m actually a coward. He reasoned as he walked towards the junction. I always turn my back and run away with tail tucked between legs –or penis tucked into perineum. He let out a brittle self-depreciating laugh.
You are. A real man grabs the bull by the horns
I denied myself and refused to take of advantage of her and she turns around to take shots at me in the most ridiculous way. Next time when opportunity presents itself, I will grab the bull by the horns
A real man wouldn’t just sit by and wait for opportunity to present itself, the darker voice carried through his mind. A real man would create the avenue he needs. Pick up your phone, call Sade and tell her you would pay her another visit –tonight! Yes you fluffed it the first time, but you can reschedule and redeem your image. You can make her go back and say to her friends, the same ones who were slandering you in your very presence, that you do not only exude it, but you are very virile. Take your chance and prove yourself!
His heart plummeted violently. He reached into his pocket and whipped out his Samsung galaxy S8. He was going to prove himself.
TO WHO?
Two words, heavy meaning. He understood all too clearly. Who did he want to prove himself to?
The Lord?
He already had already proven to be a good child of God by choosing God over his fleshly cravings. So who did he want to prove himself to?
Sade. Peju. Daniella. Himself and the Devil.
His shoulders slumped. I chose to obey you when it was least convenient and what do I get in return? Shame. Humiliation. I was called impotent, God I was called a homosexual! His heart cried out.
WHO EVER SAID OBEYING ME WILL EARN YOU MEN’S APPLAUSE? THINK OF A REKNOWN BARRISTER BEING STRIPPED AND BEATEN TO A PULP BEFORE EVERY EYES THAT WAS WILLING TO WATCH AND TELL HOW GLORIOUS THAT WOULD BE
That’s definitely going to be terribly embarrassing.
PAUL WENT THROUGH THAT AND WORSE, REJOICING. THINK OF WHAT JESUS DID, THE SHAME HE BORE FOR YOU AND TELL ME IF THERE’S ANYTHING TOO MUCH TO BEAR FOR MY SAKE. THE BOOK OF HEBREWS CHAPTER 12 VERSES THREE AND FOUR SAYS; FOR CONSIDER HIM WHO ENDURED SUCH HOSTILITY FROM SINNERS AGAINST HIMSELF, LEST YOU BECOME WEARY AND DISCOURAGED IN YOUR SOULS. YOU HAVE NOT RESISTED TO BLOODSHED, STRIVING AGAINST SIN.
Silence. He had no words.
BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO ARE PERSECUTED FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS’ SAKE, FOR THEIRS IS THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN.
BLESSED ARE YOU WHEN OTHERS REVILE YOU AND PERSECUTE YOU AND UTTER ALL KINDS OF EVIL AGAINST YOU FALSELY ON MY ACCOUNT. REJOICE AND BE GLAD, FOR YOUR REWARD IS GREAT IN HEAVEN, FOR SO THEY PERSECUTED THE PROPHETS WHO WERE BEFORE YOU.
The very last beatitude. He sighed. The Lord called him blessed, he like Job, had given the Lord a cause to boast before the Devil. He had proven himself to God; that was more than enough. A smile tugged at his lips, he let it invade his mouth. He walked across the road to the BRT bus stop with a new spring to his gait and at that moment, he was sure he felt at least a fraction of the kind of joy the apostles of old felt. The kind of joy that made Paul and Silas sing all through the night in a reeking prison, clapping manacled hands.
2017-12-17